Disappointment

It's a dog eat dog world.

This is especially true when it comes to relationships, so I've learned. In today's world, everyone is looking out for #1. Is looking out for ourselves something that we were raised to do or is it something that happens with life experience? Do the nice ones really always finish last?

When a guy tells me he is in a commited relationship, I am automatically turned off. I would never pursue any guy with a girlfriend, fiance or wife. I'd like to think it's because I was raised with good morals and because I wouldn't want to hurt another woman, even if she's someone I've never met. There are plenty of other single men out there for me to mingle with.


So it really baffles me to know that another woman did this exact thing to me. She knew when she met my ex that he was in a relationship and yet she continued to make herself available to him, as more than just a friend. She even told him that she was in love with him, before we ever broke up. I never met this girl - the ex made sure of that - so I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, but now there is no doubt in my mind that she is the cruelest person in the world. How does a beautiful, intelligent woman go after someone else's boyfriend when she could have any other guy?

My ex didn't leave me for this girl, there were other reasons that lead to our imminent break up, but he really didn't need to tell me a month later that he was sleeping with her. And as mad as I am at him, I still hate her so much more! Just because she wasn't a friend of mine didn't give her the right to go after the man I was with. I feel like she's betrayed our gender and is a shame to our sex. But I think the thing that bothers me the most is that he has now replaced me with a person who I despise. I don't think she even compares to me. I think that's what is most offensive to me - not that he's replaced me - but that he's replaced me with her. I valued his opinion and thought he had good morals. It turns out that he has disappointed me more by sleeping with this girl than by breaking up with me.

Am I wrong to be so offended by this girl? Should I be more upset with him? She was a thorn in our relationship since he started school, but is that her fault, or his? Or is it my fault for not looking out for myself and not being more assertive with him in order to get what I wanted from our relationship?

Commited and Flirting?

Friday night I was out with my roommates hanging out and having a good time. Jamie and I had been at her work holiday party earlier in the evening and had planned to meet up with a few people from the party at a bar in Denver later. We were the first to arrive at the bar and sat down to get drinks while we waited for others to show up. A couple of guys we knew came over and started talking to us. Then Jamie's coworker and his buddy showed up. The buddy, Joe, started talking to me and we hit it off pretty quickly. I was thinking, hmmm, I think this guy may be into me. Then, 40 minutes or so into the conversation, Joe says something that most flattered single women don't want to hear "my fiance". What? Fiance? Why are you standing here buying me drinks and engaging me in conversation if you have someone who loves you at home?

Well, boys and girls can be friends right? So I figured, as long as the company was good, there's no harm being done.

We decided to go to another bar, where, amazingly, we ran into more people we knew. I moved from conversation to conversation chatting with people I knew and people I didn't (I become a bit of a social butterfly when I drink) and I somehow always ended up talking to Joe. About an hour before we left, most of our other acquantainces had gone and Piper, Joe and I were left sitting at a table talking to random people who would stop by. Joe inquired a little bit about my personal life. I didn't give him much information other than that I'd broken up with my boyfriend a month ago. I was a bit taken aback when he asked me what the 'asshole ex' had done. I said he wasn't an asshole (I'm of a different opinion now). Joe looked surprised and told me he had just assumed because anyone who could break up with a beautiful funny girl like me must be an asshole. Maybe I'm a skeptic or tiny bit cynical, but that sounds like an awful nice compliment to give a girl you hardly know if you don't have an alterior motive in mind.

When Piper and I finally decided to call it a night Joe walked out with us. He said he'd had a great time and hoped we could meet up again sometime. Of course, being engaged and all, he couldn't ask for my number, so he said something like "I'll have Jason call Jamie and set something up sometime".

So, to get to the point, why was a cute, funny commited guy interested in me? Is there something I am missing? I wouldn't mind being friends with Joe, but I also don't want to be a strain on his relationship. I wouldn't want to be the girl who broke up another girl's relationship. Especially since something like that (sort of) happened to me recently. Do guys and girls think so differently when it comes to being in a relationship and making new friends with opposite members of the sex? When is it okay and when is it not?

My Odyssey

My ex-boyfriend and I broke up in November and we attempted to stay friends. Recently, it has become apparent that that is definitely not going to be possible for a couple of reasons: 1) he's in law school and during the semesters he doesn't have time to have friends outside of his study group and 2) he's already screwing another woman, who also happens to be in his study group. Jerk. So, my new mission: moving on.



When I first learned that he had already moved on, I was extremely upset and went a little crazy. I am a girl, after all. But then, when I got to thinking about it, I am actually excited to be single again. I'm looking forward to what's out there. First dates, first kisses, and, of course, sex. Getting over him will not be easy, but it is far from impossible and I think that I have a lot to look forward too. This is the beginning of my odyssey as a renewed single woman...